Apocalypse Now or Never?

The End is Nigh! Or so we've been told for millennia. Of course, it hasn't happened yet so that makes a mockery of the word "nigh". Nigh, it seems, isn't so nigh. Or perhaps the real mockery should be at the expense of those who expected "the end" to come sooner. Many religions feature doomsday prophesies - some even with specific dates (with the Seventh day Adventists being particularly hilarious). None, obviously, has been correct thus far. Yet, in spite a rash of failed prophesies, humanity still anticipates some kind of "big finish" to our time on earth. What is it about the human condition that makes us contemplate our collective demise?

And it isn't just the crackpot religious people. You just have to turn on the TV to see how fixated everyone seems to be with all this. From Survivors, a drama set in a post-apocalyptic UK, to Dead Set, a zombie series set on the set for Big Brother, the telly keeps telling us that something truly awful is just around the corner.

Beyond the realms of a faith-driven Armageddon and science fiction, it seems that the natural world is conspiring against us too. If you've been watching the documentary Catastrophe on the origins of life on Earth, you'll know that a sudden disaster isn't all that unlikely a proposition. Nor is a slow, painful one either.

Of course, the difference between religious and non-religious people is that one group genuinely believes that this would be The End of The World.

Here's a short Irish comedy on the same theme.

Cunning Stunts: Ya Gotta Get A Gimmick

Sarah Palin's homespun hockey mom bullshit is making me wanna hockey up something serious. The winking, the hokey turn-off phrase and barefaced (stare down the lens) lies are frightening. She's one scary mama.

One thing that struck me was the intro to the debate as they met for the first time. She tried to disarm Joe Biden by asking (live on mic and, in my opinion, for the Legally Blonde effect), "can I call ya Joe?".

As a gentleman, with more important issues on his mind, Joe says, "Of course!". I watched the entire debate (slack-jawed, admittedly) but I didn't hear her call him Joe once. She called him Senator Biden quite a lot.

The more I see of this lady, she reminds me of school debaters and the silly stunts they used to pull to disguise the fact they had a good speaking voice but nothing to say. Scary thing is those debaters often won.

What a cunning stunt!

Ayre today... gone tomorrow

A recent conversation (yeah, it was drunken!) reminded me of Eighties comedy poet Pam Ayres. I don't think we have comedy poets anymore. Or maybe there hasn't been a suitably fabulous one worthy of our attention. Check out Pam's, ahem, talent here:

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.

When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My Mother, she told me no end,
"If you got a tooth, you got a friend"
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite!

If I'd known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fiIlin's
Injections and drillin's
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
"Two amalgum," he'll say, "for in there."

How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin'
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

Okay, maybe it's not quite as "genius" as it seemed in the those days. Maybe we had less money then. Or maybe we have more vocabulary now. Either way, you might need to hear her in all her Westcountry glory to get how wonderfully weird she was.

Gawd, we miss you Pam. I think.

Yeah but no but yeah (but slower)

Little Britain USA looks like it's going to introduce a range of great new characters (like these freakish body builders) and no doubt a pile of new catchphrases. I can't wait to see it. But I heard that the American version of Vicki Pollard has to speak a lot more slowly so Americans get it (*yawn). Half the point of her was that she had those crazy streams of consciousness where she ended up saying outrageous things that you barely caught. I hope the whole thing doesn't get lost in translation or dumbed down altogether!Having said that The Office survived the transatlantic shift pretty well. Walliams and Lucas are also calling in a slew of celebrities to help out, like Sting who apparently makes out with Walliams in one scene. I'm not really sure how I feel about that... but apparently Sting really liked it. (Poor Trudy Styler!)

Fox News Fox Up Americans

It's Science, for God's Sake!

I watched Richard Dawkins' documentary about Charles Darwinon Channel 4 tonight. And even though Dawkins comes across as a smug English dandy, the man does put those religious nutjobs in their place! He comes across as exasperated but always logical. He also seems obsessed with Darwin. I've never read Darwin's books but I've read several of Dawkins' books and The Guardian did a really beautiful supplement on Evolution recently which summarised it very succinctly. While I am no biologist, the simple elegance of the Theory of Evolution through Natural Selection (not to mention the body of evidence to support it) makes it impossible for a sane person to dismiss it.

Despite this, insane Christians (excuse the tautology) do dismiss the theory - especially in the United States. Of course, they have to... Modern science is simply incompatible with their literal view of religion. I pity them. It's like a twenty year old still believing in the tooth fairy. Unbelieveable!

I also cannot understand so-called "moderate" Christians who acknowledge that the Creation element of their religion (chaper one of their big book) is entirely fabricated but still somehow believe there's truth in the rest of it. If The Bible was a witness in a court case, the jury would be advised its testimony was unreliable. If it wasn't so scary, it would be hilarious!

Sam Harris, author of Letter to a Christian Nation, is looking into the whole psychology of faith on his site The Reason Project. It intrigues me that so called devout Christians can make death threats in the name of their moral God while Muslims act horrified when the bloodlust of their religion is highlighted. What part of their faith disconnects them from the reality of the world about them?

I'm really starting to think that religion is a mental illness.